Where are all the MEN?

By tamara on
image of man in a hallway

When I was growing up it seemed that men were portrayed to be strong and brave – their character was solid.  Women adored them, and younger men aspired to one day become them. So now I ask – Where are all these men today?  It seems to me, that finding men with such strong character, is becoming harder and harder.

Growing up, I had a great amount of respect for my father, as most little girls do.  In my eyes he could do no wrong.  He was strong – the head of our household, decisive – making all the important decisions and certainly feared – as the disciplinarian – whose arrival I would lament, when threatened with the words of my mother “wait till your father gets home.”

But as I got older, my opinion of my father started to change. This didn’t happen through one particular occurrence, but rather through years of general disagreement.  Eventually, the man whom I had perched so highly on the pedestal, fell off.  And once he did, it seemed that the pedestal crumbled as well.

For a while in my life, I tried to re-glue the pedestal, so that I could put men back to where I thought was their rightful place.  But each time I did that, I was disappointed.  At some point, I came to realize that it wasn’t necessarily that men were disappointing me, but instead it was my expectation that was unrealistic.

Decades ago, society created an illusion of what men were supposed to be.  These illusions were then supported by rules which prohibited the exposure of private lives and all their secrets of imperfection and flaws.  The result was a culture that has set a bar that has always been unachievable and subsequently disappoints for generations to come.



  1. Growing up I had a very different opinion about my father. He is the person that took care of us, taught us what was right and wrong, and we always showed love and respect in return, but I was very much aware that he is human with a lot of imperfections. The pedestal that I built for him was for his unconditional love.

    Now days I see men as they are, qualities and flaws all together (no need for pedestals, or false pretenses) and the final questions is –would I be able to live with it? Relationships are a two way street, we may not be able to meet each other’s expectations but we can find a common ground where both parties are pleased.

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