The Break-Up

By tamara on
broken heart

How do you know its time to walk away from a relationship?  Whether it is a marriage or a friendship there may be a time when the relationship has deteriorated to a point where the only thing left is the memory of good times once had.

Recently a friend of mine asked me the question of how I knew that my marriage was coming to an end.  I think deep inside, we all know when its time to end a relationship but for one reason or another, we push those feelings down and hope to god that they never resurface again.  But they do – and when they do more frequently than not – it is time to make some tough decisions.

Breaking up is difficult and breaking-up a marriage, particularly when children are involved, is even harder to do.  I’m definitely not advocating for divorce and in most situations where children are involved, I personally would do all I could to try and keep the family intact.  But that is not always possible and I believe there can be a detrimental effect of that, on the children – the vicious cycle.  Because we tend to emulate what we know, it is not uncommon to find ourselves in the same kind of relationships as our parents – even if their marriage was bad.

But let’s step away from the deep discussion of divorce and bring this to a far less complicated level of just a generic relationship.  I think we can all agree that any toxic relationship that impacts our emotional well-being is one from which we should walk away.  But sometimes it’s not so clear cut and may require an assessment of the relationship.  My friend Annie recommends making a pros and cons list, which i agree, can be effective.  But let’s take a step back – if it comes to a point when we need to start weighing the value of our relationship, then that in itself should raise a red flag.

Relationships particularly friendships, should not require a great deal of effort to sustain but they do involve emotions which are complex and often times difficult to reconcile.  But feelings can’t be wrong – so if an action makes you feel a certain way it really shouldn’t require further analysis or validation.  So with that said, all the assessment that I really need is to simply listen to my heart and when a relationship makes me cry more than it makes me laugh it’s time for me to walk away.

4 comments

  1. YES, ITS TRUE ” FEELING ARE FACTS” ,HUMAN NATURE, IF WE DON,T LIKE IT ,WE CHANGE IT! BUT WHEN LOVE COMES ALONG WE HOPE WE CAN CHANGE THEM ! THINGS! AND” EXPECTATIONS WILL TRIP YOU UP EVERY TIME ! “

  2. I think we get very caught up on what society expects of us and our own reality. Sometimes our fate will show up in a different package – and it doesn’t necesarilly mean that it is “bad” – but different and that is OKAY. The sooner that we can get over the “expectation” – the better. We have to make the best of what life has dealt us……it is also impossible to have that “in love feeling” all the time….in fact our partner might do something to make that feeling go away……then the love feeling should come back……I suppose if it doesn’t then that would be a red flag pointing to the end.
    You know when to make a decison when you feel it in your gut. Your body will tell you that it is time and you will just “know”.

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